This Is Not A Test

High-fives are never fully satisfying. It's uncomfortable for the person giving it, the person receiving it, and the third party that's watching it. And it's never the correct expression.

short just like your temper

There is a kid named Gideon in my Social Foundations class. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is the only reason I go to class. He says things I could never have the guts to raise my own hand to say, cause when I say it, it'll be wrong. But he's never wrong. One day, I will go up to him and ask him if he wants to get a cup of coffee and we'll talk into the night about Machiavelli and Descartes. Sometimes he'll be right. Sometimes I'll be right. We won't even realize that they're closing. Then I'll ask if I could read that one story he wrote, the one that everyone won't stop talking about, the one titled, "How To Fall Too Hard."

Today, I tried to be nice to someone that I've been kind of mean too. I didn't last very long. Sometimes, you think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not.

To Whom It May Concern

It still counts even though it happened when he was unconscious. It counts doubly because the conscious mind often makes mistakes, falls for the wrong person.

When the Good Guys Win

My entire life has been about a never ending series of too-good-to-be-true's that always ended in being well, too good to be true. It has been about crossing my fingers and sweating balls that maybe this time it won't be so evanescent. It has been about making inside jokes so insidious that sometimes, only I get it. It has been about belittling other people's problems and anticipating the day when we can only laugh about them.

It has been about making mistakes, some greater than others, and not coming out a better person.

It has been about sonatas and slurpees and Sams and shitheads that inadvertently, presently, have nothing to do with the letter "s" in Sarah. Cause that letter "s" has to do with the letter "v" and the letter "m," sometimes the letter "p," frequently the letter "j," and always the number 6. It has been about obesity, homosexuality, and mothballs. Again, with the inside jokes.

It has been about celebrating 80 degree weather in shorts, only to be betrayed by the 30 degree drop that night. It has been about the ones that mattered being the shortest, and the ones most serious being unofficial. It has been about being second best. It has been about falling into Cowardice, Jealousy, Pride, or a combination of all three, without a fight. It has always been about shotgun.

It has been about trying to sound relevant.

It has been about Franny and Zooey and Gob and Descartes, Quentin, Dreyer, Rowland, Johnson & Johnson. It has been about stickers on "A" papers and falling asleep in the backyard before the meteor shower. It has been about other people's love stories. It has been about falling for the guitar, taking advantage of the piano, and unconditional lovers on the drums. It has been about being too focused on the alarm. It has been about being afraid of skirts until I was forced into wearing them everyday for four years. It has been about fry trays that haven't been filled to the top and other disappointments. It has been about Flag Day. It has been about the secrets unrevealed in a long car ride, flavor-of-the-weeks, and bottom lockers. It has been about molding into other people's lingo, making up words that sound real, and bad grammar.

It has been about falling too hard.